Stupid Western medicine

I'm getting extremely tired talking to doctors. Extremely. Tired. Probably I should quit the phase one of my doctor round (the Western medicine doctor) and just go directly to following phases (Chinese doctor, herbal books, hearsays). Lately I've benefited mostly of Chinese medicine and hearsays. I get needles of course, and follow a diet. My kidney yang is much better, as it wasn't fortunately the base of the problem; the bottommost problem seems to be spleen yang deficiency. That can be caused by overthinking and too much emotional stress. I can't help thinking: oh really? Like writing a master's thesis and then applying to a PhD program? And at the same time awaking some old panic syndrom sankharas on a vipassana course?

Well, the doctors at the public health care still think I'm depressed, and after realizing I should have never been prescribed Citalopram in the first place, they are toying with what to make me take next. It's getting wilder every appointment. And what makes it more interesting is that I'm not depressed. I'm fatigued  ̶  and not even so much that anymore. Before the Citalopram experiment there was nothing wrong with my general mood, and now that the rest of that crap has left my body, I'm fine again. Have a guess if I will take another pill.

One of the most benefical hearsays I've been listening to is the claim that I'm overhydrated and should drink less and better fluids. Again, I need to eat a heavy breakfast  ̶  just a few mornings of porridge on a road make me shiver unexplainably through the day. Organic eggs fried in butter, hot cocoa, a huge (although sugarfree) apple muffin and chunks of cantaloupe keep me energetic and warm. If I want to lose weight, I can always eat less calories later in the day, but morning is just not the time.

And then the latest hearsay: raw cocoa beans contain stuff that increases the amount of serotonine and dopamine in your brain. I've not bothered to research this by myself yet, but I did make myself a raw cocoa drink in the morning, mixing three teaspoons of raw cocoa powder, cardamon, clove, hot water and oat milk. It tasted and felt awesome.

Kidney yang deficiency, and yes, a list

Last two and half years I've been ill with this illness at one point and that illness another. And, as I am no fan of Western medicine, I usually consult first a Western doctor, then a Chinese doctor, then my herbal books (my guru is Matthew Wood with his amazing The Earthwise Herbal) and probably listen to anyone who has anything to say on the subject, then making my own conclusions.

I admit, it'd be easier to just trust the first doctor. But they don't seem very trustworthy, ignoring symptoms I find relevant and telling I have several unrelated diseases that have a different cause. Nay, I believe we are entities, and that it's not just the things we can see with a microscope, but that there are also things we can't see.

Currently, I've been out of shape for a month or two. Or not so much out of shape than just fatigued. I have never before realized how life energy does actually well up from the lower back  ̶  until now that it doesn't. It feels like my lower back was empty, and gray in a way. No energy. And as much as I'd like to get on with whatever I was doing, I constantly need to lie down (and thank the fabulous Finnish library system for the pile of great books next to my futon).

After consulting unofficial sources I suspected it to be because of a kidney yang deficiency, and my Chinese doctor confirmed. Treatment is simple. I get needles  ̶  acupuncture, that is  ̶  once in two weeks; I eat foods that warm kidney yang; I take it easy, keep myself warm and well-rested and do long walks. I take ginseng and weird Chinese herbal balls that are small and black and that you have to take twenty at the time. I make myself to go swimming at least once a week, and take care that I swim slowly and not too long (and that there is a either a bubble bath or an eucalyptus-scented steam sauna in the swimming hall I go to). I do not overhydrate, which I used to do, and which was probably one of the original causes for the problem. I drink less and when I drink I try to drink juice (blackcurrant and lingonberry being my favourites), check regularly that my fingers are warm and have decreased my caffeine intake (I'm a sucker for green tea). I have also started to feel suspicious about juices that are sweetened with fructose - they do not feel quite right in my body. I meet friends and let them keep me cheered up. And the final treatment: I crochet a lot. Calm things should be good for your kidneys.

But when I went to see a Western doctor  ̶  and a good one she is even though working on a public clinic  ̶  I was diagnosed a depression. A depression? When there's nothing wrong with my mood? But she explained to me that depression manifests itself in many ways, and she thought some mild antidepressants would do me good. So, I got a prescription for Citalopram.

Well, should I take the medicine even though I don't feel myself a least bit depressed? She was so convincing that I decided to take them. How I see it, if they help me to get perkier, I will have more energy to exercise and eat well, and that will eventually help for the cause of the whole unbalance, restoring my kidney yang.

Anyway, I feel the biggest change being the change in morning routines. Or rather, that there are routines. Before, after opening my eyes and meditating an hour on my bed, I used to jump up and start hustling up every little thing I saw that needed taking care of, usually in no logical order and starting several things before finishing any. I would eat when I had time. Now, right after meditation, I have to eat. And eat a lot, at least compared to what I used to eat before. And I am absolutely not to switch on my computer before I eat, or it destroys the good rhythm of the morning.

So, in the honor of my friend Heli, the Mistress of List Making, I shall make two lists.

Good Things to Eat in the Morning

 - two organic eggs fried with butter, sea salt
 - several chunks of homebaked focaccia flavoured with rosemary
 - half a cantaloupe
 - an orange
 - a glass of fruit juice, preferably homemade
 - a mugful of green tea mixed with uplifting and warming herbs like peppermint and cardamon


Good Books to Read When Ill

 - almost anything by Jane Austen
 - J.D. Salinger: The Catcher in the Rye
 - Ranya ElRamly: Auringon asema
 - Azar Nafisi: Reading Lolita in Tehran
 - Jhumpa Lahiri: The Namesake
 - Vikram Seth: A Suitable Young Man
 - Jun'ichiro Tanizaki: Makioka Sisters