Stupid Western medicine

I'm getting extremely tired talking to doctors. Extremely. Tired. Probably I should quit the phase one of my doctor round (the Western medicine doctor) and just go directly to following phases (Chinese doctor, herbal books, hearsays). Lately I've benefited mostly of Chinese medicine and hearsays. I get needles of course, and follow a diet. My kidney yang is much better, as it wasn't fortunately the base of the problem; the bottommost problem seems to be spleen yang deficiency. That can be caused by overthinking and too much emotional stress. I can't help thinking: oh really? Like writing a master's thesis and then applying to a PhD program? And at the same time awaking some old panic syndrom sankharas on a vipassana course?

Well, the doctors at the public health care still think I'm depressed, and after realizing I should have never been prescribed Citalopram in the first place, they are toying with what to make me take next. It's getting wilder every appointment. And what makes it more interesting is that I'm not depressed. I'm fatigued  ̶  and not even so much that anymore. Before the Citalopram experiment there was nothing wrong with my general mood, and now that the rest of that crap has left my body, I'm fine again. Have a guess if I will take another pill.

One of the most benefical hearsays I've been listening to is the claim that I'm overhydrated and should drink less and better fluids. Again, I need to eat a heavy breakfast  ̶  just a few mornings of porridge on a road make me shiver unexplainably through the day. Organic eggs fried in butter, hot cocoa, a huge (although sugarfree) apple muffin and chunks of cantaloupe keep me energetic and warm. If I want to lose weight, I can always eat less calories later in the day, but morning is just not the time.

And then the latest hearsay: raw cocoa beans contain stuff that increases the amount of serotonine and dopamine in your brain. I've not bothered to research this by myself yet, but I did make myself a raw cocoa drink in the morning, mixing three teaspoons of raw cocoa powder, cardamon, clove, hot water and oat milk. It tasted and felt awesome.

Sun, cat, crochet :)

Sun is shining today and Ludvig will get to go out. She doesn't look extremely eager, though. 126/135 patches ready!

Ludvig got out today.

One of the nicest things I've done in my life is making a cat happy. Because it's another creature, especially because it's not a human, and probably especially because it's a cat.

She moved in with me when my parents were losing their nerves with her peeing everywhere. I quite understand them. My personal favourite must be when she managed to drop a Bible from a bookshelf and peed on it. Only a Bible; no one book besides. She haven't peed once outside her sandbox when living with me. I try to give her a lot of positive attention and a good amount of excitement. And, admittedly, I pamper her with treats.

Today morning I looked out of my window and decided that there are enough dry spots on the ground that I can start phase two in her happiness training: teaching her that going out on a leash is actually fun. And you know what? It was. At least for her. She ate some early grass and we spent a half hour watching sparrows and wading in snow.

Happy, old cat.

Oh, March

It's a grey, dull day, clouds hanging miserably on rooftops. And after many days of surprising excessive energy, I have none. So don't imagine I'd be going outside for a second, expect slouching to the nearest grocery store to get candy. Instead, I'm spending my day pretty much like this:

The book is Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility, and a DVD of Agatha Christie's Marples is just outside the picture.

I've made a bet with my boyfriend. If he finishes his bachelor's thesis before I finish my alpaca quilt, I'll treat him a dinner in Dong Bei Hu (the best Chinese restaurant in Helsinki, and the only one which number I have on my cell phone). And, obviously, vice versa. He's written some five pages of minimum 15; I'm up to 89 of 135 patches, above to which I will have to crochet the uttermost round to each 135 and sew them together.

Herbal plans for the garden

I thought the list of herbs that I am going to grow next summer would be interesting, but I realize now that it looks more like a view from someone's spice shelf. A list of herbs I am going to collect would probably be more fun, but I've not made it yet.

 - basil: sweet basil, lime basil, mammoth basil, red rubin basil
 - calendula: "Double Orange King" is supposed to have the best medical effects
 - chamomile: common; I've not been able to find seeds of Roman chamomile
 - coriander, Asian
 - dill
 - horehound
 - lemon balm
 - lemon verbena, if I'll be able to find seeds
 - mint: at least peppermint and spearmint; Dalmatian mint if I can find a sapling
 - oregano, Greek
 - parsley
 - ramsons! moles hate it and I love it
 - rosemary
 - sage, common and clary
 - thyme, common and wild
 - valerian

There has to be something I've not thought of. What is it?

As for anything else, I can hardly grow anything that ripens late, as I will probably be leaving to Japan before I can enjoy it. I've ordered seeds of leafy goosefoot and butternut squash, but as Finland is quite uncivilized when it comes to squashes and pumpkins, it's impossible to find them in stores  ̶  so, I will probably have to grow some more myself. And then of course spinach, lettuce, zuccini, sunflowers and hops. And I hope I will be able to find saplings of black elder and blackberries, too.

Greek oregano sapling

Kidney yang deficiency, and yes, a list

Last two and half years I've been ill with this illness at one point and that illness another. And, as I am no fan of Western medicine, I usually consult first a Western doctor, then a Chinese doctor, then my herbal books (my guru is Matthew Wood with his amazing The Earthwise Herbal) and probably listen to anyone who has anything to say on the subject, then making my own conclusions.

I admit, it'd be easier to just trust the first doctor. But they don't seem very trustworthy, ignoring symptoms I find relevant and telling I have several unrelated diseases that have a different cause. Nay, I believe we are entities, and that it's not just the things we can see with a microscope, but that there are also things we can't see.

Currently, I've been out of shape for a month or two. Or not so much out of shape than just fatigued. I have never before realized how life energy does actually well up from the lower back  ̶  until now that it doesn't. It feels like my lower back was empty, and gray in a way. No energy. And as much as I'd like to get on with whatever I was doing, I constantly need to lie down (and thank the fabulous Finnish library system for the pile of great books next to my futon).

After consulting unofficial sources I suspected it to be because of a kidney yang deficiency, and my Chinese doctor confirmed. Treatment is simple. I get needles  ̶  acupuncture, that is  ̶  once in two weeks; I eat foods that warm kidney yang; I take it easy, keep myself warm and well-rested and do long walks. I take ginseng and weird Chinese herbal balls that are small and black and that you have to take twenty at the time. I make myself to go swimming at least once a week, and take care that I swim slowly and not too long (and that there is a either a bubble bath or an eucalyptus-scented steam sauna in the swimming hall I go to). I do not overhydrate, which I used to do, and which was probably one of the original causes for the problem. I drink less and when I drink I try to drink juice (blackcurrant and lingonberry being my favourites), check regularly that my fingers are warm and have decreased my caffeine intake (I'm a sucker for green tea). I have also started to feel suspicious about juices that are sweetened with fructose - they do not feel quite right in my body. I meet friends and let them keep me cheered up. And the final treatment: I crochet a lot. Calm things should be good for your kidneys.

But when I went to see a Western doctor  ̶  and a good one she is even though working on a public clinic  ̶  I was diagnosed a depression. A depression? When there's nothing wrong with my mood? But she explained to me that depression manifests itself in many ways, and she thought some mild antidepressants would do me good. So, I got a prescription for Citalopram.

Well, should I take the medicine even though I don't feel myself a least bit depressed? She was so convincing that I decided to take them. How I see it, if they help me to get perkier, I will have more energy to exercise and eat well, and that will eventually help for the cause of the whole unbalance, restoring my kidney yang.

Anyway, I feel the biggest change being the change in morning routines. Or rather, that there are routines. Before, after opening my eyes and meditating an hour on my bed, I used to jump up and start hustling up every little thing I saw that needed taking care of, usually in no logical order and starting several things before finishing any. I would eat when I had time. Now, right after meditation, I have to eat. And eat a lot, at least compared to what I used to eat before. And I am absolutely not to switch on my computer before I eat, or it destroys the good rhythm of the morning.

So, in the honor of my friend Heli, the Mistress of List Making, I shall make two lists.

Good Things to Eat in the Morning

 - two organic eggs fried with butter, sea salt
 - several chunks of homebaked focaccia flavoured with rosemary
 - half a cantaloupe
 - an orange
 - a glass of fruit juice, preferably homemade
 - a mugful of green tea mixed with uplifting and warming herbs like peppermint and cardamon


Good Books to Read When Ill

 - almost anything by Jane Austen
 - J.D. Salinger: The Catcher in the Rye
 - Ranya ElRamly: Auringon asema
 - Azar Nafisi: Reading Lolita in Tehran
 - Jhumpa Lahiri: The Namesake
 - Vikram Seth: A Suitable Young Man
 - Jun'ichiro Tanizaki: Makioka Sisters

More bonnets

Now that I'm on the topic of bonnets. I can't remember where I got instructions for this one; I only remember I applied them quite freely. You knit two and purl two so that stripes formed move to right all the time. I was so happy when making the bobble that I didn't realize that if I use more than 100 grams of yarn, the bobble will weight more than 100 grams. But it's still nice, huh?

The red one I crocheted on a plane just a few days ago. I love it that I can take my crochet needle to a plane—and I've taken it dozens of times—but they get all cranky about French cheese, because it's too gel-like. At least the Swiss security did. Anyways, I was thinking of a Japanese summer hat I had years ago which was approximately of same model, and I think I was also hoping to look more adult. Apparently that's not possible, though.

I started from the top and used ordinary crochet as long as I was increasing, then changing to this woven stitch I found in Betty Barnden's The Crochet Stitch Bible. Basically it goes: one crochet, one chain stitch, so that you always crochet on the chain stitch on the row below. I love the texture. Yarn is untwisted sheep wool from Estonia.