Asioita joista pidän. Things I like.

Kirjat. Books.
Lapset. Children.
Talvi. Winter.
Klementiinit. Clementines.
Vihreä tee. Green tea.
Aamut. Mornings.
Höyry. Steam.
Kardemumma. Cardamon.
Eläimet. Animals.
Joulu. Yule.
Pistaasipähkinät. Pistachios.
Aallot. Waves.
Sininen. Blue.
Villa. Wool.
Nukkuminen. Sleeping.
Vesi. Water.
Taivas. Sky.

Tänä talvena aion. This winter I'm going to.

Kesän kynnyksellä joka puolella näkyi listoja siitä, mitä kukin haluaa tehdä kesällä – suloisia, epärealistisia listoja! – mutta näin talven kynnyksellä en ole nähnyt yhtäkään. No, minä tykkään talvesta. Talvilista tosin taitaa pysyä realistisemmissa rajoissa, koska jotenkin marraskuu ei innosta energiseen unelmointiin.

Tänä talvena aion

• ruokkia Seurasaaressa sinitiaisia kädestä
• bongata Viikin ruoikossa viiksitimaleita
• juoda teetä Cafe Regattassa
• laskea mäkeä
• rakentaa piparkakkujurtan; tosin en tiedä vielä sen asukkaita, mutta pihalla voisi seistä puu, jossa istuu totoro
• luistella
• tehdä töissä lapsille aarteenetsinnän kaltaisen joulukalenterin
• järjestää piparinkoristelujuhlat
• neuloa vaaleanpunaiset säärystimet joissa on palmikoita
• makoilla pitkiä laiskoja päiviä Tallinnan asunnon sohvalla katsellen Greyn anatomiaa ilman ääntä mutta vironkielisin tekstityksin
• juhlia käärmeen vuotta ystävien kanssa

Hölmistyttävä viiksitimaliystävä.

This winter I'm going to

• feed bluetits at Seurasaari island
• spot bearded reedlings at Viikki reed beds
• drink tea at Cafe Regatta
• go sledging
• build a gingerbread yurt, although I don't yet know who would live there, but there could be a tree growing on its front yard with a totoro sitting on the top
• skate
• organize a treasure hunting kind of Christmas calendar for kids at work
• throw a gingerbread decorating party
• knit pink legwarmers with plaits
• lie through lazy days on a couch at Tallinn flat watching Grey's Anatomy without sound but with Estonian subtitles
• celebrate the year of the snake with friends

Summer things ♥

People have made such nice lists of things they'd like to do in summer, noticing there's far too much and they probably won't manage half of them—which is of course the fun of it.

I wonder what I'd like to do.

 — paint the veranda of my cottage (ceiling will be sky blue, everything else white-white)
 — clean and sort all kind of things I've collected through the years that are in piles of banana boxes
 — mulch my vegetable garden and grow an abundance of herbs
 — collect St. John's wort, clover, meadowsweet, tansy and loads of nettles
 — make pesto with yarrow and dandelion leaves and organic pecan nuts
 — make soap with midsummer rose petals and lavender
 — get coffee bean tan
 — swim a lot
 — go pick strawberries on one of those strawberry fields where you pick yourself and pay by weight (and eat a lot while picking)
 — visit Saaremaa in Estonia
 — visit my in-laws' summer cottage before it'll be sold away (that's where my husband spent his summers)
 — have an untraditional wedding party without anyone pressing me to have it the way I don't want it (there'll be croquet)
 — sew harem pants of moss green Cambodian silk and just nice baggy pants of brown Estonian linen
 — buy new trekking boots for hiking in Balkan in August
 — brew lemon balm sima (Finnish mead)
 — enjoy all nice veggies in my garden
 — spend a weekend in Hanko (coastal Finland)
 — get my tub polished and waxed (I trust my husband on this one; he already filled the caps and holes with flax fiber) and then soak in it

Kidney yang deficiency, and yes, a list

Last two and half years I've been ill with this illness at one point and that illness another. And, as I am no fan of Western medicine, I usually consult first a Western doctor, then a Chinese doctor, then my herbal books (my guru is Matthew Wood with his amazing The Earthwise Herbal) and probably listen to anyone who has anything to say on the subject, then making my own conclusions.

I admit, it'd be easier to just trust the first doctor. But they don't seem very trustworthy, ignoring symptoms I find relevant and telling I have several unrelated diseases that have a different cause. Nay, I believe we are entities, and that it's not just the things we can see with a microscope, but that there are also things we can't see.

Currently, I've been out of shape for a month or two. Or not so much out of shape than just fatigued. I have never before realized how life energy does actually well up from the lower back  ̶  until now that it doesn't. It feels like my lower back was empty, and gray in a way. No energy. And as much as I'd like to get on with whatever I was doing, I constantly need to lie down (and thank the fabulous Finnish library system for the pile of great books next to my futon).

After consulting unofficial sources I suspected it to be because of a kidney yang deficiency, and my Chinese doctor confirmed. Treatment is simple. I get needles  ̶  acupuncture, that is  ̶  once in two weeks; I eat foods that warm kidney yang; I take it easy, keep myself warm and well-rested and do long walks. I take ginseng and weird Chinese herbal balls that are small and black and that you have to take twenty at the time. I make myself to go swimming at least once a week, and take care that I swim slowly and not too long (and that there is a either a bubble bath or an eucalyptus-scented steam sauna in the swimming hall I go to). I do not overhydrate, which I used to do, and which was probably one of the original causes for the problem. I drink less and when I drink I try to drink juice (blackcurrant and lingonberry being my favourites), check regularly that my fingers are warm and have decreased my caffeine intake (I'm a sucker for green tea). I have also started to feel suspicious about juices that are sweetened with fructose - they do not feel quite right in my body. I meet friends and let them keep me cheered up. And the final treatment: I crochet a lot. Calm things should be good for your kidneys.

But when I went to see a Western doctor  ̶  and a good one she is even though working on a public clinic  ̶  I was diagnosed a depression. A depression? When there's nothing wrong with my mood? But she explained to me that depression manifests itself in many ways, and she thought some mild antidepressants would do me good. So, I got a prescription for Citalopram.

Well, should I take the medicine even though I don't feel myself a least bit depressed? She was so convincing that I decided to take them. How I see it, if they help me to get perkier, I will have more energy to exercise and eat well, and that will eventually help for the cause of the whole unbalance, restoring my kidney yang.

Anyway, I feel the biggest change being the change in morning routines. Or rather, that there are routines. Before, after opening my eyes and meditating an hour on my bed, I used to jump up and start hustling up every little thing I saw that needed taking care of, usually in no logical order and starting several things before finishing any. I would eat when I had time. Now, right after meditation, I have to eat. And eat a lot, at least compared to what I used to eat before. And I am absolutely not to switch on my computer before I eat, or it destroys the good rhythm of the morning.

So, in the honor of my friend Heli, the Mistress of List Making, I shall make two lists.

Good Things to Eat in the Morning

 - two organic eggs fried with butter, sea salt
 - several chunks of homebaked focaccia flavoured with rosemary
 - half a cantaloupe
 - an orange
 - a glass of fruit juice, preferably homemade
 - a mugful of green tea mixed with uplifting and warming herbs like peppermint and cardamon


Good Books to Read When Ill

 - almost anything by Jane Austen
 - J.D. Salinger: The Catcher in the Rye
 - Ranya ElRamly: Auringon asema
 - Azar Nafisi: Reading Lolita in Tehran
 - Jhumpa Lahiri: The Namesake
 - Vikram Seth: A Suitable Young Man
 - Jun'ichiro Tanizaki: Makioka Sisters